Best of Dating Stories from my 20’s
I was having dinner with my best friend Debbie who has been with me through every painstaking or hilarious date, she actually wants to get my DNA tested. She thinks there may be some secret thing they can find in my pheromones.
I reiterate, I never do anything, I’m never the prettiest girl, and I don’t even flirt, I am actually super lame and 99% of the time. I was telling this to Cindy and she said I have charisma. I guess if you mean falling, tripping, and being an absolute dork is charismatic, sure.
A lot of the stories below were pre-Cindy days, but omg, she witnessed a lot during my early 20’s and poor Cindy had to literally play the gatekeeper at times.
As we relived some of them and talked about new stories, Debbie said that I need to write them down with someone who was a witness because normally it’s very hard to believe.
Lisa has witnessed many of these encounters and I was telling her about my latest fiasco and she laughed because I said the other day that it is not normal and I don’t do anything. She said it’s true, you don’t do anything, but your life is hilarious and you just walk. I said, yes walk and breathe.
And as I get older, I completely agree, the random events in my life doesn’t happen to everyone. I’m only going to share some of the highlights. A core group of my best friends know every story, but that would be a book in itself. Sadly, I deleted most of the screenshots.
Here is a summary of the highlights that I can remember, there are so many great ones I’m sure I forgot some.
MEMORABLE STORIES
Things men should NOT say:
Your skin is as soft as a….WALRUS
When Shari was single and ready to mingle, I had just broken-up, so I wasn’t looking for anyone, which made me the best wing-woman. We were at Bar Louie one night and this group of IT guys asked us to join their table. Shari pulled me aside and said she liked this guy and if I was ok alone. I said sure, I’ll be sitting right over here. Next thing I know, one of his co-worker came over and started talking to me. He was really flirtatious and a few minutes later he said, “Baby, your skin is as soft as a walrus. Will you go out with me?” First off, how does he know what a walrus feels like and when would that ever be a compliment. Shari and the guy had to come rescue me as walrus man tried to fling himself on me. The sacrifices I make for my friends as a wing-woman.
I’m different than other Persian men
One epic night at Barcode, I don’t remember this, but my friends reminded me, as I was walking out, a guy approached me. When he asked me for my name, I said are you Persian? He said yes and I kept walking, at that time I was done with Persian men…He yelled, “I’m different than other Persian men, I drive a white BMW.” PS, so did my ex and the one before that drove a black BMW.
Forbidden Fruit…
I only remembered this because we were watching Shahs of Sunset and Mike called himself the forbidden fruit. I turned to Sanam and said where have we heard that line and she reminded me about A. I was out with Sanam and Miranda one night and we ran into one of their good friends. We will nickname him A. I had never met him before, I wasn’t in the party crowd, so I had never met him before. He introduced himself and as the girls danced the night away, he came over to try to dance with me. I left to go talk with Sanam and he came over yelling, why are you running away from me? You are like a forbidden fruit I want to bite. At that moment, me and Sanam just turned around and busted up laughing and to this day we joke at times that I am the forbidden fruit with her Persian accent.
Name your goldfish after me?
Yes, this totally happened. During my first few months in DC, I went out a lot to explore the city and meet people. I met R through Desiree and he seemed well accomplished. He heard me talk about how I was looking for better opportunities. After meeting a couple of times, he said he will help connect me to any of his contacts. He gave me his number and when I pulled him up in my phone I already had another “Raj” in my phone and he was offended. He said he should be #1 in my phone, so he made me name him Raj #1 and he said if I get a job with his help, he gets to take me to dinner and I have to name a goldfish after him.
I never spoke to him after that, but as fate would have it, fast forward a few years later. Desiree and I were out at a local bar and he happened to be there. He came over chatted and asked if I remembered him. I did, but I shook his hand and said, sorry no I don’t. He said, please tell me you remember me, maybe it’s the facial hair? Here is an old picture. I just looked and then said, I’m sorry I got in a car accident, which was absolutely true and that my memory is hazy from it.
She only used me for groceries!
I met R (Not the same as above) when I was out with Desiree at a rooftop party. That night the metro closed and he offered a ride home. We became friends, or I thought just friends. At the time, I didn’t have a car and he lived right by me. So he would offer to take me to the groceries. I thought that was really nice because again, it’s something I would do. But I guess he thought it was a gateway to become more serious? He went to our group of friends and asked her where I have been. She said, oh she’s been busy with work and her boyfriend is back in town. He travels for work. He apparently was really angry and told Des I only used him for groceries and things with us was never the same again.
I just turned straight.
Yes, this absolutely happened to me and apparently I have the power to turn gay men straight. I met V out at a bar in Chinatown with Des. Supposedly, we “hit” it off right away. He asked me out each week and he drove 2 hours to come on our first date. We saw each other very briefly, I think maybe a month and one night he met me in the city while Des and I were at an event. My shirt at the time was really sparkly and he came up and gave me a kiss and then told me how beautiful I looked. He asked me to do a spin. I made a joke that he’s just jealous of not having a closet like mine. He said “I do.” I said what? He said yes, I have a closet full, I just turned straight. I was dying and ran to Des, that was the last time we saw each other.
A few months later, he messaged me that he was getting married. He had apparently rekindled with someone from his past and he just knew it was right. I congratulated him and told Des. She told me to ask for a picture or details and when I did, he avoided the questions and asked how I was, how he forgave me for walking away when he told me about his past, and that he hoped I found someone special. When I said, no just enjoying life, he asked to meet up for coffee. I said I don’t think your new wife will like that. No response ever again.
I will break your legs…
All my girlfriends know K in our group of friends has always had a slight crush on me. He randomly calls me to ask me out to dinner and when we ever see each other at a group function, he’s always flirting with me.
Most Memorable Bachelors:
Every second is like a year…
Can you take our picture?
Sanam refuses to let me open my mouth when we are out in public anymore after this. She said if I want to ask anything, she will be the messenger and all because of this one experience. Sanam, Kriti, Shubi, and Kevon were out and I asked for a group picture. I handed my phone to this guy and he said that he would not take it without getting my phone number. So I took my phone back and said never mind, I’ll find someone else. He said, no no no, I’m just kidding. So he took my phone and took the pictures, which were really good. But what I didn’t know is that he called his phone with my phone to get my number. All I wanted was a picture!!!!
Your schedule is busier than Obama
Did you die?
When you don’t have a place in my life anymore, I delete your number. That’s just how I am. Once I’m done, I’m done. So randomly I’ll get messages from people, this was from someone I dated right before I left Utah. Obviously that was a LONG time ago, so I didn’t have his number. So when I asked who it was and said I didn’t have his number, his response was to be offended. Then when I didn’t answer, he asked if I died. Obviously not, I just choose to ignore.
You will never find anyone who loves you like me.
I met R the same night I met S. R and I only went out once and then I ended things for S. When I did, he called me a coward, he said he knew that I was afraid of men, but he is different. He will love me like no one else, I am perfect. I told him, I’m sorry but it’s not him, I can’t. If he wants to be friends, sure, but realistically we would not be friends. It would just fizzle out. He wrote me a slew of messages saying I’m crazy, I’m missing out, I’m just afraid to love, and I will never find anyone as “good-looking” as him that loves me as much as him. I forwarded them to my friend Anita and she was like omg, but in one message where I said he’s so dramatic, it accidentally flipped back to him. At that point, he went crazy and said I will be alone forever and that he was the best one and I’ll never find another, etc…
Other Random Stories:
What do you do?
Ugh, you know I hate this line. I firmly believe your job should not define you, but I guess this line works too.
You can do better…
At my last job, all my co-workers laughed at the IT guy who had a crush on me. This guy would leave stuff at my desk when I was out from his travels. He tried to ask me to lunch and when I said I was busy, he went to my boss to ask her to give me time and he even tried to go home on the same metro trains as me. My co-workers told him I was taken, but he didn’t believe it.
One day my boyfriend at the time and I were grocery shopping and we ran into him. We cordially said hello. After we left, I got a message in the phone saying “You can do better than him.” Obviously I quickly deleted the message.
Let’s network…
I had dated H a long time ago for a very brief moment in my life. We met through my best friend Sanam when she was in town. I was just meeting up with her and a few other friends at a local bar before I had to run to my next obligation. H happened to be there at the same time and it wasn’t planned. He introduced himself to me and we said maybe 3 words when I had to run off. When I got in my car, I heard a knock on my window and he motioned me to roll down the window. He said, I’m sad you cannot stay longer, but I wanted to get your number before you left, you know to network because we both were in banking at the time. I said sure and when I got home, he asked me out to the movies, so clearly there was no “networking” intended.
One Day Love will Pass You
I had only gone out with V a few times. And he was absolutely a perfect gentleman and a great catch. But for whatever reason, I just was not attracted, I couldn’t even think about anything more than a hug. My rule is that for whatever reason, you can lean in with someone you just met out, but if you can’t lean in after a few dates, then you have to set the person free. He kept asking for more dates and finally I wrote him a long message telling him how great he was, but that I wasn’t in a good place at the time for anything serious, which was true in some sense. He wrote me a slew of angry messages about how he cared, but that I was just using him, how nice guys finish last, etc… A few days later I got this apology from him, well it was an apology with a mini- “I hope you will be alone forever” message behind it.
Do you want a sample?
I was helping Amany get ready for a birthday party and we were rushing through Costco in gym clothes. I grabbed an orange sample and ran off to the fruit area. Apparently, he asked Amany for my number and when I was grabbing some bananas, I get a message on my phone, “This is Ali. Your friend gave me your number.”
I almost killed her. I wasn’t looking for anything, I just wanted a sample from Costco!
Ali was very handsome, he worked full-time in a bio-med lab and part-time at Costco. We went out and we had a great time, but he asked if my parents would approve of him on date #3. I didn’t know how to handle it and I sort of got scared. I remember he said, I’m never going to see you again right? I said, no, we will, but after that I just told him I wasn’t ready to move that quickly.
The International Stories
Jamaica- No Problem
I was with Lisa in Jamaica, two men saw us walking pass Margaritaville from the back deck and told us to wait. They ran all the way to the front of the building and asked us to come in. We said we’ll be back. Then one of them said, “We won’t breathe until you come back.” Well, they won’t be breathing for a long time then.
We were at a beach near Rick’s Café in Jamaica. Walter was our cabana boy, Lisa decided to tan and I walked the beach, which is my usual. I can walk the beach for hours. I started walking and maybe a mile down the beach I hear someone yelling “Linda, Linda, wait for me.” I turn around and its Walter, our cabana boy. He asked if he could walk with me, he asked his manager for time off to run after the love of his life. I told him I just wanted to walk alone. He told me, the moment he saw me walk in, he knew he wanted me, but didn’t dare say it in front of Lisa. He told me all of his assets and that he can take care of me. I told him he can find anyone else here, he has plenty of women to choose from. He told me, yes, but when he falls in love, he wants to really fall. Please let him love me. Thank goodness, Lisa must have had a beacon, all of a sudden his walkie talkie went off and it was his manager saying, Paula (Our tour guide) requests you escort Linda back immediately. He gave me his number and asked me to consider letting him be my boyfriend. Paula and Lisa were dying in the car and Paula said, you are going to break his heart.
Turkey- Just a couple Turkish delights
I was shopping at the Grand Bazaar and when I stopped in at a shop when a charismatic salesman asked me to come look. I saw a bunch of stuff I wanted, but being Asian, I was playing it cool to see what deal he would give me.
After a few minutes, he said he will give me the best deal because I’m his Juliet and he is my Romeo. I said you say that to everyone. He said no, did I say it to your friend here? He then started singing: 1,2, I love you, 3, 4, give me more, etc…
He said, that to get the best deal, I have to promise to go on a date at 7. I said, I cannot because of my friend, he said don’t worry, I will get someone for her. I told him to keep the stuff aside and I’ll be back with money. Really I wanted to see if other places could beat the price and no one else could. He gave me 50% lower than any other vendor.
We left and came back later to pick up the items. Luckily, Romeo wasn’t there and we continued shopping. On the way back, we spotted him, I told Lisa he would never recognize me because I changed clothes, put a scarf on as well. As I walked by, he started yelling, “my Juliet, where are you going, why didn’t you keep your promise to me?”
Mashallah
Lisa is amazing when it comes to directions. Where I am weak, she is strong. We were walking through the streets trying to find a sight. A really good looking guy was talking on his cell phone and walking. We were the only ones on the street at that time and he puts his phone down and says, “Mashallah (Beautiful), you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I want you!” Lisa says keep walking and then as I walk by, he’s like you look lost, how can I help you? Lisa says, we are not lost. At that point, she realized, it’s the other direction, so we turn around. He’s like I just want to talk to the most beautiful woman, your friend. And I can help you, you are lost. Lisa tells him again, “We are NOT lost.” He says, well you just walked past me and then turned around. Good call.
The Love Boat-You do not have a boyfriend
Lisa and I went on a cruise about 2 years ago (right before I was in a relationship) with a bunch of her friends. We became gambling addicts, especially with Blackjack. Well, by the end of the cruise, everyone knew our names. We were the “fun” blackjack girls because we had no strategy at all.
One night, I was sitting next to this guy who just got married. He was very flirty and when I was about to leave the table, he gave me more money to stay because he said I was his “good luck.” Then he started getting frisky, he told me to come to his room. I told him, he’s married. He said, so. Then I said, my boyfriend would not like this very much. He said, I don’t think you have a boyfriend, where is he? I said, he didn’t come on this trip, it’s just a girl’s trip. I said, I love him very much and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.
Everyone on the table was watching this scene go down. And of course, I was like Lisa, isn’t my boyfriend great? She said yes. Well, on the other side was Philip. Apparently, he nudged Lisa and said, she doesn’t have a boyfriend, right? She’s single? Lisa being so honest, laughed and said, yes she’s single.
When we left the table, Philip came over to me and said, your friend told me you are single. Why is a beautiful girl like you single? And after that, every time he saw me he kept trying to get me to go on a “cruise-date.”
Are you open to love?
Then one night I was walking with S, one of our friend’s brothers. He asked me if I was single and I said for now, I choose to be. He asked if I was open to being in love and what type of men am I interested in. He said, he’s looking for the one to love, the one to take care of, and if I would be interested in him. I went back to the room and told Lisa. I told her, all I wanted to do was go on a walk ALONE and he followed me and now look. Lisa just laughed.
Some Bitter-Sweet Moments
You are blacklisted from my life…
The older I get, the more I realized that girls and guys cannot just be friends. J and I met at an MBA conference. I was friends with his classmate Rico and when we were out one night, Rico introduced us. He asked me that night to show me around his city, but I had a flight the next morning. Over 3 years, we stayed in touch and he became my best friend and that was it. We never had any type of physical relationship other than a hug good-bye.
We spoke every night, he was my rock through every decision I had to make with my career and I was his. When I moved to DC, he asked if he could come visit. I said sure and I would be a great tour guide.
He was here for 3 days and the first 2 days were amazing. Then on the last night, we went out with my friends and I was texting S at the time at the bar. J looked at my phone and took it and said, “Who is this guy?” I said my boyfriend, why?
I had never seen him mad, but he said, why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend? I said you never asked, plus your dating someone long distance too. He said no, he had broken up with her over a year at that point.
I asked him why he was so angry, he said, I came here to tell you I loved you. Then I told him, you should have told me your intentions before you booked your plane ticket.
At that point, I knew I lost my best friend, 3 years of friendship, and a great person in my life. And the next 24 hours was the most awkward moment in my life. After he flew back to Texas, he reached out to me one last time and because I didn’t answer immediately (I was taking a shower), he followed up with a message saying goodbye and that because I was ignoring him, he is black-listing me from his life and that was the last time we ever spoke. I tried to make amends, but he didn’t want anything to do with me.
The sad part is I still think about him from time to time. I miss his friendship, our endless conversations about anything, and I hope that he is happy and I truly wish him the best. It is just unfortunate everything had to fall apart the way it did.
I would have broken your heart anyways.
I dated J for 2 months at most. I swear it took almost 6 months to stop hearing from him. He just wasn’t a right fit for me. He was very rigid, task based, and Type A personality. I was too carefree for him. We also didn’t have good compatibility.
He quickly had flashes of a family together with us and I had to break his heart when I ended things because I met S. When I went to end things in person, which I believe was always the right thing in my younger days. He did not take it well and as I was trying to leave, he grabbed my arm and said, “Linda, I have an ultimatum for you. If you cannot see yourself having my babies, then we are done. I’m not asking you today, but maybe a year.” And I walked out and that’s it. Well, I don’t know if he knew, but it takes 9 months to make a baby. I think he messaged me for almost 4 months saying that we can work and finally when I said no, I am with someone else. He told me, “Good thing you are not with me. I would have broken your heart anyways. You saved yourself a heart ache.”
Fast forward, 4 years later, I got a random text from him. So I was telling my neighbor and mentioned they worked in the same and she actually knew him way back when.
He tried to meet up with me a few times, but I just felt a bad feeling about it. The funny things is that we can’t even be friends. We never were friends to begin with. I do feel bad that after all these years he hasn’t found “the one.” He wasn’t a bad guy, he just wasn’t good for me.
Wait you are not in love with a girl?
This story is a reminder that it is really hard for guys and girls to be “just friends.” B was my very first friend in DC. He was fantastic, he helped me so much with everything, but he wanted to be more than friends and I felt that it was only right to tell him I was seeing someone, but I wanted to be friends. Again, this was in my young and naïve days.
He said he couldn’t talk to me anymore, but after about 3 months he reached out and said he would love to have me be friends. He just got hurt about being rejected. So we became extremely good friends who talked about everything including jobs, life decisions, and our current relationships. Almost 3 years of friendship and when I ended things with S, he called me over to console me. Well, at that time, he also made a move on me as I was crying my eyes out in his living room. He told me he was going to break-up with his girlfriend for me because he wouldn’t have another chance. That was the last night we ever saw each other again. I said, it’s not right and he needs to commit to the person he is currently with.
Fast forward a year later, he messaged me again. He apologized and asked immediately if I was seeing anyone. I told him yes and he asked for information about the guy. So to teach him a lesson, I told him, she’s great and she is the best person ever.
After that every 6 months or so he asked how me and my girlfriend were. I used Lisa and said we were traveling together. Lisa solely approves of me using her. A few months ago he messaged me again, finally I said, you know I’m not in love with a girl right? I still like guys.
He admitted he thought it was a joke at first, but then believed it. Once he found that out, floodgates opened again and he asked to meet up, but that he could not tell his girlfriend, who I later found out was his fiancé. That we always had chemistry. I wrote him a long message saying we had a great few years, but this is where our road ends, especially since he’s engaged. I wasn’t going to put myself or the fiancé in that position. I told him honestly that the grass is not always greener and he ruined his last relationship with this problem. I said, this time try to think with your mind instead of other parts of your body. His response was “Do you think I’m that type of guy.” I said, sadly…now I do.
Current Love Situation
After A, I decided to take a long break and just focus on me. But I swear, when you just want to focus on you, it’s when people try to knock you off your path. I just think I need to make goals for me and work on me. I believe there is nothing wrong. I am spent a lot of energy in the last relationship and I am not ready to add another person in my life right now and I don’t think I can mentally trust so soon or commit.
But here it goes.
You are not even reading my texts
M and I are just friends, but again, someone caught feelings. And I have a lot of friends already and if you are my friend and cannot pull through with a simple request, you’re done. I don’t have room in my life for friend who fail. I had asked him to pick me up from the airport and he said yes. On the day of, he said he had a meeting in DC and couldn’t pick me up. After he never even checked in to see how I got home. At that point, as a friend, if I cannot even count on you for a simple task, I don’t need you in my life. And this is the aftermath…It was endless FB messages, texts, and Snapchats.
And I don’t know why he calls me babe or baby, we haven’t even kissed! We are just friends. And obviously he means so much to me because I didn’t even know his name right and he still wants to talk. If that was me, I would realize that it is time to give up.
I just wanted Arabic lessons
I decided this year I made 4 goals for myself. Travel more, lose a lot of weight, learn languages (Vietnamese, Farsi, Arabic, and Spanish. And since I have a French speaking co-worker, a little French), get in amazing shape, and my last goal is slightly unrealistic become an Instagram star.
I had asked about Arabic lessons and someone sent out an email for me. Someone responded saying they would be happy to help. In my head, I thought it was a nice old man who would want to teach. I don’t know why.
We met up at Starbucks and as we went along with the lesson. He kept saying he didn’t expect me to be so smart and that I was very serious about learning. I said, yes, that’s why I’m here. Well, when we said good-bye, he decided I guess that was the perfect time to go in for a kiss.
So there goes my Arabic teacher. We only made it one lesson and after that he asked me on an official date. I told him I have nothing to offer. And hopefully that is where we end!
This was Polly’s favorite guy from everyone. She’s still very upset things did not work out. She thought he was so good-looking. Sanam did too.
I met S at the Whole Foods in Ffx. I had a party and was just picking something up there. I remember I was in the produce section when a guy came up and said hi. I looked up and there he was, a very handsome, well-put-together guy smiling at me.
Sanam makes it a joke and tells everyone that we met in the meat aisle and he said what kind of kabob are you looking for? I just shake my head at her. She makes it sound so dirty!
We chatted for awhile and I had to leave for the party. He asked if he could take me out later. He was a very nice guy, handsome, and had a great job, and extremely wealthy, but the reason our relationship failed was because he was demanding and moved things too quickly. In the end, I think he was in love with the idea of being with someone like me than loving me for all my flaws.
It’s ironic because S promised me everything that I wanted in my last relationship and much more, but I realized, it wasn’t going to make me happy. You want that when you find that right person, not just because you want it.
- He told me he loved me and asked me if I loved him. I said I could lie to him, but I don’t love him yet. You can’t make someone love you.
- Wanted me to meet his family. I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready.
- Asked me to move in with him. I said I am old fashion and would not do that until we are married. A little while later, he asked if he could marry me. When my girlfriends saw that text…you should have heard the shock. I asked what is the rush? He said when you know you know. BS, you don’t know until hard situations come up where you know that person will be there for you.
- Said that he would give me everything I wanted if I would marry him. He was going to take me to Galleria to pick the largest ring and he told me my engagement gift would be a Mercedes. I said I like my CRV, he said no wife of mine will be driving that around. But earlier, he did offer to help me negotiate on a car though, so…whatever.
- I sent this to Karen and she was rolling, but one day he wrote me and said I’m getting really nervous. I said for what? He’s like the wedding. My response: You are missing one thing…A bride. Karen’s response #runawaybride.
This was one of the hardest non-needed break-ups ever. It went on for months. I told him I couldn’t give him everything he wanted. I didn’t love him and he deserves real love. He begged to see me one more time and that’s when he tried to put the keys to the Mercedes in my hand. I even asked him what was so great about me, there are plenty of other women. I don’t know why I couldn’t just take a leap of faith with him, he was everything I wanted and said the right things, but in the end, I couldn’t do it.
I gave it back and said I can’t and walked away. That was the last time I ever saw him. I really hope he does find what he is looking for, but it’s not me and all the money, gifts, and bribes cannot make me do it.
What’s on my Dating Checklist…Whale Sharks
Posted onApril 28, 2024By : Linda Panda
Back in the day, one of my really good guy friends (Julio) made fun of me because I date the SAME exact type of guy. He self-assigned himself my social life and dating coach because he was a “social scientist.”
At the time, I joked and said, absolutely not, I am diverse, nope…history always repeats itself in my case.
One day back when I was 22, Julio wrote up an entire dating list and I found it the other day and we had a good laugh because nothing has changed. The only new thing is my obsession with whale sharks, but other than that I have not changed since this list was created.
With that said, all my girlfriends and I bet that the “right” guy is going to be completely opposite of anything on this list.
My type:
- Usually some type of engineer, but mainly electrical engineers.
- Drives a BMW. For some reason, always it’s always a BMW. I’ve dated a few with Mercedes or Audi, but always some type of luxury car, which is funny because I am happy with my CRV.
- Extremely nerdy. I once asked one of them how much they loved me, the answer was 1/0. Sure, not like the sun and the moon, or as endless as the ocean…1/0.
- More introverted. I think this is because I’m such a people person, so my partner balances me by being less extroverted.
My dating questionnaire:
- How much do you love froyo? Is pistaschio your fav?
- Do you love to visit college campuses because I do!
- Do you like Ferris Wheels? I love them!
- Do you love Starbucks? If so, what is your usual order?
- Do you know who Hello Kitty is?
- Do you love Pandas? It’s a must, they are so cute, who doesn’t love pandas?
- Would you swim with the whale sharks?
- Do you have a YOLO list?
- Do you love adventures? I’ve asked a few this and they ask what type? I think they are looking for another answer…because when I tell them hiking, kayaking, river rafting…they get a sad look.
- Do you know your Meyer’s Briggs?
Isn’t it sad that froyo and Hello Kitty are on that list? But if you know me, it should not shock you.
If you know Karen, this is one of her favorite phrases. Dating has become a circus, I have always said love should be easy, but people make it so hard.
In our world, this is how it should be: Boy meets girl–>They feel the chemistry and fireworks–> the girl’s foot pops on their first kiss like in Princess Diaries–>They fall in love–>And live happily ever after–> THE END.
But it has become way too easy for men and women to fall into the never-ending game of dating. I admit I do as well because if you don’t, you can’t get ahead. There are rules for everything such as how many days to wait in between texts, how often you should see each other before you are considered clingy, make sure not to open up all at once, who should be the first person to define the relationship, you learn to hold back specific pieces of yourself because A) it could be considered crazy B) Quirky or dorky C) You need to hold some face cards in your back pocket to play with.
So what is the power of ignore? It is essentially part of playing the game. You will notice through all the posts, Karen and I are big believers that if a man wants you, he will do what it takes to get you. And sadly, not that it should be this way, if a guy thinks he has you wrapped too early, you become a commodity and he gets comfortable, which is where the power of ignore comes into play.
Men are used to girls saying yes basically to anything they ask for. They are used to getting their way with women for so many things including being able to treat them as an option versus their only choice. Then women complain about not being treated right. The guys that they are interested in texts and see them when it is convenient for them, they won’t commit, etc…And you don’t know why because you say you make it clear what you want.
It is essentially because you have switched the roles. It is not your job to go after the man; it is his job to come after you. When you do all the initiating in the beginning, it gives them the ability to take you for granted. How many times has the guy texted you last-minute to hang-out and you say yes? How many text messages do you send before receiving one response back?
And does he call it an actual date or use the word hang-out? Whenever I meet someone and they ask me out, I especially look for them to say I want to take you out on a date. If they say, are you free to hangout; they go in my phone as asshole for a few months before being deleted. They say first impressions are everything, we are not in high school to hang out together, and adults go on dates. A date shows effort, planning, and care.
This has nothing with being flexible. I do believe once you get in a relationship you should be accommodating and compromise. If a guy really wants to see you, he will respect your time and make plans in advance. If he rescheduled on you and you are tired of it, ignore him and don’t make plans again.
He will know that it’s not right and find a way to make up for it or he fades away by the wayside. I know some of you do not agree with this and that women can/should initiate too, but call me and Karen old school.
Most importantly, live your life, don’t be so dependent on having someone next to you, they will fall into place. I am not encouraging you to stop looking because prince charming will not knock on your door with a white horse, but you should do whatever you want and the right person will fall into place where he won’t require you to ignore his far and few texts to get him to respond.
And if he does keep playing that game, you know the power of ignore can last for a few days or it can last for eternity and in Karen’s words boy bye!
3 Qualities to Look for in a Partner
Looking for someone sexy, educated, successful, ambitious, adventurous, financially stable, funny, interesting, loves to go out, but can also up for a romantic night in. Rolex, Mercedes, and Gucci a plus.
Do you see how many requirements there are? This is how dating is these days. Impossible checklists… One night, one of my best guy friend was telling me about his latest dating disaster and why he is lowering his standards. He fits most of the list above, so why is he struggling to find someone?
I listened intently and at the end of everything I asked him one question. What is the top quality you are looking for in a partner? He thought about it and said chemistry. I said this is why. You are looking at the wrong thing. Chemistry is important, but it is subjective. This is a combination of personality, looks and attraction, but it does not ensure a long-term relationship.
When you list what you are looking for it should be tangible. Not tangible in the sense that you can hold it in your hand, but that you can see it. He looked at me and said, what should I look for then?
There are 3 main things…
#1-Kindness. They say you can change someone’s life with one-act of kindness. Kindness coincides with compassion and you need both in a relationship. Someone who is kind makes sure that you feel loved, goes the extra mile, tries to understand and make you happy. And they will be understanding and loving when life throws you a curve ball like losing your job or health issues.
My parents have been married for 34 years and no matter what obstacle is thrown to them. They have always been kind to each other. My dad ties my mom’s shoes because her knees hurt.
You can see kindness by what they do for you. The small, but thoughtful actions. How they treat their friends, family and everyone around them.
#2-Communication. A lot of breakups happen because one person cannot communicate. You both have to understand how the other person thinks. When you disagree, which everyone does, don’t walk away. I think in this generation, people don’t try as hard to fix things. They get in a fight and decide there may be something else greener on the other side. Or in many cases take it to social media.
#3-Collaboration. A relationship is made up of two people. I think a lot of people forget this. It’s a team. When things are busy for one person, the other person needs to help and vice versa. There will always be ebs and flows in life, but when you have someone who stands next to you to tell you it will all work out, that makes a whole world of difference.
Without these 3 qualities, as beautiful, exciting or rich as someone may be, it will be hard to last over time. Beauty fades, money comes and goes, but a strong relationship is priceless.