To the love that shattered like glass
After losing my first love, I swore I’d never cry over a man again. That promise held true for every relationship that followed—until I met S. He was an unexpected love who made me break every rule I had set to protect my heart. Though we were never destined to be, you were a significant chapter in my life.
As cliché as it sounds, our relationship can be captured by five songs:
- “Girl Like You” by Maroon 5
- “Five Seconds of Summer”
- “Gazab Ka Hai Din”
- “Rewrite the Stars”
- “Lose You to Love Me”
Even though things didn’t work out between us, I learned so much about what to expect from a partner. He taught me that a woman should never have to apologize for anything—if she does, it’s the partner who has failed her. I can’t recall ever apologizing for anything in our relationship, but I remember him apologizing, especially for hurting me.
He also believed that a partner should never make a woman cry. If they cause her tears, it’s their duty to stay until those tears dry. I cried for nearly two months after we ended things, and he allowed me to send countless messages filled with sadness and anger. Whenever he sensed I was spiraling, he’d drive up to check on me, even though I didn’t realize at the time that he was hurting too.
S also said if I ever felt abandoned or unimportant, it was a complete failure on his part. Our biggest challenge was dealing with family issues outside his control, but most of the time, I never had to ask to feel like a priority; he just made me one.
S was not perfect. He had his flaws—he could be dramatic, guarded, and workaholic. I remember one instance when he drove up, only to pull over on the side of the road to handle a work emergency. He was inflexible and extremely stubborn, but these traits were part of who he was.
Our story began with a struggle to find time for each other. I was frequently traveling or moving, but he didn’t mind my chaotic life. He spent 6 weeks to secure a date with me, while I traveled to Cuba, Florida, and moved. One day, after I had just moved into a new house, he asked what I was doing and I said trying to assemble some furniture. He asked if he could help, I agreed because I didn’t think any man would drive 120 miles to do that. To my surprise, he did. He arrived dressed in a blue button-up shirt and dress pants, helped me with the furniture, and we went out for dinner. When he insisted on staying late to watch TV, he joked about whether I’d “love him or list him.” He was sure I would list him and break his heart, I just giggled. The next day, he sent me Maroon 5’s “Girl Like You” with the message, “Spent 24 hours, I need more hours with you,” and that’s when everything started.
Despite our differences—my bubbly, outgoing nature versus his mysterious, stoic demeanor—we connected deeply. We shared similar values, especially when it came to family. S was incredibly family-oriented, and we enjoyed doing everything together, even mundane tasks like grocery shopping. His dedication to his family was both his strength and his weakness.
We quickly fell into a routine. S knew me well, and even though my life was chaotic, talking to him each night was effortless. He drove 120 miles each Friday through rush hour traffic to be with me, and his visits became a cherished routine. He would bring his laundry to my place, not because he needed to, but because it smelled like me.
About a month into our relationship, S dropped a bombshell. He planned to visit his brother in New Jersey the following weekend to get family approval for our relationship, with engagement as the next step. This unexpected pressure made me panic, and our relationship began to unravel.
Though I moved on relatively quickly, S couldn’t stop contacting me. He should have given me more time to decide if he was the one I wanted to marry. His stubbornness and rigid ideas about marriage didn’t help. I left my jacket in his car, and he insisted on returning it in person, despite my suggestion to mail it. When he came to drop off my jacket, we ended up having dinner and seeing a movie, but I thought it was the end.
A few days later, S sent me “Five Seconds of Summer” and asked me to lie to him. A few weeks later, while I was in Italy, he reached out again. By the time I returned, I was ready to move on, but he kept reaching out and eventually showed up at my house. For the next six months, we were back together, falling into a routine that felt like we were an old married couple. I fell deeply in love with him, and our song became “Gazab Ka Hai Din.” It even became my ringtone and all my co-workers made fun of me for it.
However, after six months, S informed me that his mother wouldn’t approve of our relationship. I told him we had to break up; it wasn’t fair to either of us. I wanted to get married and have children, and if he wasn’t willing to fight for us, it was pointless. He agreed.
We ended things around my birthday. S came to take me to dinner and buy my birthday present, but we both knew it was time to part ways. After that, we didn’t see each other for about six months. S occasionally reached out, but I ignored his attempts to reconnect.
In June, while I was in Seattle, I met someone new. As if on cue, S appeared in my driveway when I returned. He promised he was still working on convincing his mom, but my heart wasn’t in the relationship anymore. It had become emotionally exhausting, and the connection had faded.
A few months later, S came over to talk. As the song “Rewrite the Stars” played in the background, I broke down, telling him I couldn’t move on with him constantly reappearing in my life. I could not stop crying, I think my heart shattered and every hope and dream that he desecrated hit a boiling point. He began to cry uncontrollably, he revealed that his mother threatened to disown him if he married me. I told him that she’ll change her mind especially when grandchildren come into the picture. He said I didn’t know his mom.
It was as if history was repeating itself. He said if I choose you, I lose my mom and I can’t lose her. Like an echo, I heard him tell me he may never find anyone else like me, but he can’t risk his family. I told him that if he walked out the door, it would be the end of us. That was the last time I saw him.
I spent the next few months grieving. Selena Gomez’s “Lose You to Love Me” became my anthem as I slowly moved on. S continued to reach out occasionally, but the last time we spoke was in 2021. He asked about my work and suggested I focus on getting certifications and becoming a project manager, slipping in a comment about kissing me when I did. I told him that was it—we couldn’t talk anymore. We had fallen into our old patterns, and just like that, our story ended.
